One often question I get with clients is – ‘why is my child so loud’ – now firstly I would go through all the usual facts –
- Volume confusion – maybe they are in a busy place and can’t even hear themselves so they may assume the person they are talking to can’t hear them either – which is very normal and can be easily fixed by simply saying – “I can hear you” or “inside voice” (if of course they have been taught this.
- Hearing difficulties – it does help to make sure they can hear properly.
- Excitement – the child may be bursting with excitement at an incident or something they want to tell another about and so this ‘loudness’ parents are talking about, could simply be excitement. So maybe realizing that being a child is a world full of wonderful and exciting things that the now adults deem boring – maybe we are boring. But anyway, it is a kid being excited – if you want to fix it do the above but if you want to embrace it, imagine the bubbles of excitement bursting inside your child and have a smile and giggle with them with a big smile and eyes wide open while the child is explaining it. Basically become engaged and enjoy this element, try not to squash it, society will squash enough in our kids by the time they have grown, I don’t think parents have to contribute too.
- Devastated - basically the child could be explaining something very deep to them and something has affected their well being, so their emotions are swimming and swarming around in this body. And so their tone can tell you what state your child is actually in and that way you can adapt yourself and your body language to help the child express and get out what they need to so they can then move on throughout another day.
- Basically any emotion can bring on a loudness that others may deem inappropriate.
- OR it could just be them! Honestly all humans vary; there are quiet ones, loud ones, squeaky ones, grinding ones etc.
Anyway, as you can see they are basic stock standard elements that we (as parents) can put the ‘loudness’ under.
But I want to now talk about another theory…
Maybe ASD individuals are just how it is meant to be. Honestly, now before you stop reading give me a chance to explain…
Since the year ‘dot’ humans have been programmed and controlled to fit into conformity – I am sure you will all agree with me when I say ASD individuals don’t like conformity nor forceful control.
And quite rightly – because the human race was not meant to be treated liked boxed robots, we are ALL individuals and all have something to offer this world.
Unfortunately however this world seems to have specific boxes that dictate what is worthy of acceptance in society and what will get you excluded.
And so it only goes to say – it is very understandable why ASD individuals and others who don’t fit these boxes struggle throughout their journey on this planet.
BUT this does not mean they are wrong, it simply means that those who don’t conform and play the game are shunned.
The other day I was having lunch with my mum (which we do every Wednesdays) and there was an older lady behind me.
She was standing in the lunch line behind us who had yet to order and she was holding a plate of food (meat) that would clearly be cold by the time she got to the counter – so I asked her if she would like to go ahead of us.
She was very grateful and proceeded to say “they (chef) forgot to give me my vegetables” – anyway she got to the counter and told the girl this and the girl proceeded to take the plate and throw some veggies on the plate next to the cold meat. The older lady watched and said
“Great now my meat is going to be cold, I hate cold meat”.
I said to her to ask for a whole fresh plate. She said she was shy to, so of course I piped up –
“Excuse me the lady can’t eat cold meat and she was standing for quite a while so hers will be cold”.
The girl asked her – “would you like a new batch of hot meat”
“No don’t worry about it” – the woman said and then continued to whine about it under her breath and how she is never coming back etc and take the plate back to her table.
NOW – this honestly bugs me – this personality is ‘Passive Aggressive’ – you know those people who smile in all the right places and accept anything out in society and then go home and complain about every single thing that took place!
WHY – does this bug me?
Because I find this type of behaviour extremely dangerous – you see you could be talking to one of these individuals and then turn your back and bang!
You are being negatively discussed about. OR they come across really placid and really easy going but they are not – they are in fact hiding their anger, their frustration and then mouthing off about being victim.
When in fact they had the power to change the issue that they so easily and submissively gave to, yet others see them as ‘the right type’ but behind closed doors they are gossips, judgmental beings that are dangerous because they will discuss the issue with others without the entire story.
So to quickly sum up this article, I would rather my children be loud and proud and express their truths rather than being a submissive, aggressive being.
Yet it saddens me when I see ASD individuals being direct, honest and loud being shut down and insulted and passive aggressiveness being accepted as normality.